So I was talking to Amarit today and I realise that what I told her was right: I like defining things, events, people etc in my life. I hate confusion or whatever you call that thing when the ideas/feelings are all jumbled up. Maybe I like the certainty that comes when you know what it is exactly. There are just some things that you need to be very certain about, especially when we juggle so many social relationships. And I am someone who compulsively needs to put things in neat little categories and boxes, so that I know where I stand within that context amongst other things.
So yeah. That. And I think am terrible about names, being a fan-atic or just remembering stuff in general. I almost never bother to find out more about the groups I like, that includes band members. I frequently forget the names of bands I listen to. I can never remember song titles, this is where Amazon.com comes in handy. It's like I'll say that I have listen to a particular group before but I can't tell you what song because I won't remember it and then I feel like a fraud even though I did have a listen to their song! I don't know why I feel this need to justify this but it's happened so many times with me and I think skepticism about my fanaticism might be growing.
I thought about it and I brought it out I'm motivated by the lack of doubt I'm consecrated but I'm not devout The mother, the father, the daughter, yeah
Right on the verge, just one more dose I'm traveling from coast to coast My theory isn't perfect, but it's close
I'm almost there, why should I care My heart is hurting when I share Someone open up and let it show
You say that it's not your fault And swear that I am mistaken You said it's not what it seems No remorse for the trust you're breaking You run but then back you fall Suffocate from the mess your making You can't get enough you take and take and take and take Fuck it, are you listening?
