Friday, September 14, 2012
I like him. A lot.
It should scare me, but it doesn't.
I should be cautious and hold back, but I absofuckinglutely am not.
It feels more right with him than it ever did with you. I feel relieved at the fact that it wasn't you. An immense sense that I
dodged a bullet there. Because with you, it was always too emotional.
And I was too reactive. Or maybe I over-thought everything. But it
doesn't change the fact that I am so glad it wasn't you. That it's not you. Ever. We had our
moments. And I'd never forget them. I'll remember them differently as I
grow older, but I won't lose the memories. You and I; it was never
light-hearted enough. And that made things so much more difficult. I
remember you now only to compare. It's not fair and not right, because
I'd hate it for you to do the same with another girl. However much I
know this, I still can't help drawing the lines and pitting you against
him. (I think it's got to do with how I need to maintain a positive
sense of self-everything). The only constant in both is me, so really,
what happened? It came down to the little things. The little things
that became big things that seemed to magnify everything that was wrong
with us.
Am I glad that it was wrong with us.
So goodbye.
(For real, this time). Labels: For what matters
