So back to Owen and Cristina.

I think I'd react very similarly to how she did.  (I tell myself this now, but we'd only know if it ever came to that, AND that is something I never want to happen).  Owen didn't even remember the name of the person he cheated with.  Does that make it worse or was it a sign that it didn't mean anything?  And like Cristina, I'd want to hear every single detail.  Through the re-telling, she comes to a realisation that she's crying and torturing herself over a boy.  (It sounds rather simple to hear it that way, but it isn't exactly about a girl crying over a boy - It's way more complicated than that).  And that plot ends with Owen packing and leaving, but before he left, he told her that she was the love of his life.

Anyways, the re-hash of the story is so that now that you, the reader, are properly informed before I start.

This is precisely why I find relationships way too messy.  I think that this is a realistic situation despite being enacted out on TV.  And infidelity is something I have strong feelings about.  But I also know that feelings for someone can be powerful enough to overcome principles.  While I understand intellectually why Owen cheated, emotionally it is devastating.  One hand, I don't want her to forgive him, while on the other, I'd want them to still be together.  You might be perplexed why I am going through a fictional relationship, but on some level, this whole thing resonates with me.  Being in a relationship made me feel vulnerable, exposed.  I've always taken some measure of pride that I can be independent to the point of being obstinate.  I have control issues over certain things.  Can't help it.  And when in a relationship, I felt that I was unable to control the increasing emotional dependence on someone else.  It felt thrilling but there were points, it was downright crappy.  That's why I was a little bit of a mess.  I hated feeling that way.

Now that I am at an age to think of such matters, I honestly feel, this is a very personal opinion, it's way easier to have a kid than get married to someone.  I would be utterly devastated if infidelity became an issue or if the relationship sours.  If I go about it the conventional way, and it goes south, I would feel like I've repeated my parents' story.  That would be the very last thing I'd want to do.

And how I am gonna work things out and resolve all these internal conflict before time runs out?  The ticking has gotten a wee bit louder now.