Monday, March 19, 2012
When I think back on last year about the second bout of boy-drama, there is an immense sense of relief that it didn't work out. (I feel a like a horrible person for saying it). I don't regret anything but I'm not exactly thankful for the experience. I think the relief stems from the fact that I know it was the right decision. Painful thoughts about it (different issue now) every morning when I wake up. Creating all these scenarios in my head. Equating everything to mean something when it fucking doesn't at all. This need to attach a kind of 'special reason' things is to alleviate the feelings of ridiculousness, because you'd feel stupid when you realise how absolutely meaningless it is. But we do them anyways. Both doing the things and giving it some sort of significance. In retrospect, we always feel those embarrassed feelings of foolishness at our naivete, at our innocence, our lack of experience and all of it a catch-22. Sad&angryatthesametime. Why does it always have to come to this? Questioning everything about the self. I don't think it's a lack of esteem; more like a lack of accurate information, or a lack of agreeing sentiments.Burning bridges behind me.Labels: Told you to be kind
