Saturday, January 14, 2012
I am so distracted all the time. It's not the usual trivial things that plague me when it comes to sitting down and studying. I can be with anyone and my mind is faraway on something else. And these last couple of days, it's been getting worse. I am thinking about it so much. It's usually the worst when I am travelling, and it's probably because of the sheer number of people that I see. People watching on a whole another level. I am so distracted that I cannot see the people in front of me. I feel blinded or that I am semi-conscious in my own reality. It's more than just hiding. Things become clearer sometimes when I say it aloud to someone. Like how I realised I was so distracted when I was talking to Siva. I don't know how I could have missed it before. This was not supposed to be the way I was going to spend my very last semester. I remember how when I started school again, I wanted some sort of bliss/break from the feelings I couldn't stop and I wanted to ride off, away from it all, with a stranger. No talking involved, just getting as far away as possible. I'd be standing somewhere, and he'd know I was there waiting for him. My breath stops as I think about it, the want is that great. If only these desires were actually possible/plausible. (Two train stops or a 15 minute bus/car ride away was enough to create my own little bubble. And that bubble is going to burst. I cannot find anything positive about that place and I am trying to. Because there is honestly nothing wrong with it except for me.) Labels: T minus 6 days
