Saturday, July 16, 2011
Don't bother messaging/calling/sending messages via FB. I am sorry but I am going incommunicado. I apologise if you've been a victim. It's just that more than before, the urge to leave everything and everyone behind is so strong right now. It probably stems from this burgeoning feeling of wanting to start over. I am conflicted; the desire to lay down my own roots or be rootless so that I can start over any time I'd feel like it. This struggle to identify what would make me happy (being rooted or rootless) is hardly surprising considering the pattern my life has followed thus far. I am not unhappy but neither am I completely satisfied. There's a pervasive thought that some thing's missing. It's all adding up, these feelings. Sometimes, I think I don't genuinely care about people. When the disquiet urge to leave comes around, I don't care about how anyone will react. I don't care if I won't be missed or they'd be worried. I rationalise it away telling myself that "We weren't that close. Why would they care, anyways?"
If I was that indifferent, wouldn't they be as well?
(That being said, I so need to grovel to Neil and beg for forgiveness.) Anyways, I kinda broke out from under my rock the last few days. One: to watch Harry Potter. Two: meet-up with old secondary school friends. During the meet-up, there were long bouts of conversations about everyone's love life. And I don't know why I am still bothered by what I heard. I mean, I expected it. I knew how it was, but seriously? Where is it stemming from? I can only think of unflattering reasons. I honestly shouldn't be this irked by it. SO WHY AM I STILL?
Labels: inane banalities
