Sunday, November 21, 2010
Someone posted Snow Patrol's You Could Be Happy on Facebook. And it was the exact video I used to watch a gazillion times 2 years back because of what happened then. I used to watch it over and over and over again, because whatever Gary Lightbody was singing/saying was exactly how I felt. Most of the lines were eerily (now that I think about it) fitting. Like he peered into my messy head and sang a song that made all the random and wild thoughts coherent. Then it struck me, how could I have forgotten everything? About how broken I felt and all the typically associated thoughts that go with it? And HOW I am back to doing the same thing again? I wonder all the time if what I am doing is a mistake. Whether I should have been stronger and better at controlling what I felt. I mean, it took us about 2 fucking hours after many long months of not even seeing each other and then bam! - we're back again. Who does that? I barely remember what happened even. I really don't know what's going to happen in the future. I don't want any sorts of promises at happily ever after because it's all bull until that ring is on your finger and even then, who can tell right?
These all came from just listening to one song. And, of course, it's not the whole story. Because then I think about all that's happened for the past year (almost). I realise that it's not the same as it used to be as before. It's so much better. I am not in some sort of inner turmoil because of the whole uni thing and living with my mom thing. I was me, the one before all the craziness hit. Stable and comfortable instead of a lost child head case.
It's been almost 1 year.
And I am still going to question my decision every once in a while.
It's inevitable that I will think about the before and act out.
BUT I am happy. Genuinely. So happy that I will do a Lloyd Dobler and holding a freaking radio over my head and tell the whole world.
So MR _ _ _, here's to an interesting celebration date, where there will probably some arguing, definitely drama between us and the possibility that we might end up at the (ahem).
(If I get through the exams and come out alive.)
Labels: too much dependence on Snow Patrol
