Monday, August 30, 2010
Marshmallows in hot Milo. I am so smart. (Maybe that's why NUS accepted me, huh?) But god-damn-it, I burnt my tongue in my haste to try my new concoction and not to mention the fact that I set the timer a little too long in the nuker. (Who knew, milo can bubble and spill over?)
I am taking a module on emotions this semester and one of the key ideas is that the emotions we feel today, are a result of evolution. We feel how we feel because these emotions have been essential to our survival. And I am explaining all of this because of one particular emotion - angst. I don't know if it is truly an emotion, because psychologists are an indecisive, non-committal and disagreeing bunch. But I think most people would agree that angst is an emotion, rather than a mood or state of mind. (RIGHT?) So here's my theory: How in hell is angst (emotion, not philosophy) helpful in survival? I mean, it's rather self-destructive, don't you think? I know it is. I still suffer from it. And each time I do, things get destroyed. My hair, my sanity...
I don't know why, but there was a need to rationalise my brand of crazy. Maybe I should have just shaved it off. I wonder if I'd look as cool as Natalie Portman did in V for Vendetta. All this aside, I know that a lot of women feel the urge to change their hairstyle or cut their hair whenever shit happens. It is a really curious phenomenon. I mean, there are other things that we could do to make ourselves feel better, so why head straight for the hair?
It's a mystery, all right. One that I hope gets solved soon so that I'd know better. Well the tongue's feeling a lot better now. And the marshmallows in hot milo combination is delicious. Tastes so good, I feel better already. Ah, I can feel all this hateful feeling that I've hurt the boyfriend unintentionally with my drama flowing out of me right now. It's not easy to get over everything that has happened. And sometimes, all these feelings come back, unbidden I might add. It just does, regularly too. Kinda like a period - a 4 week cycle of normalcy, then a build-up of emo-shit and it all comes out. The part that really makes me feel rotten is the fact that he hasn't done anything this time round to have it thrown back to him over and over again. I suck as a girlfriend. Seriously. I blame the tomboy-ness in me.
Man, I unloaded a whole bunch of stuff. Tumblr was working out fine for me, but I kinda missed it here.
School's being a slut as usual.
And I am way past my bedtime.
Labels: I hold fake conferences in my head
