Saturday, November 28, 2009
THE CHRISTMAS TREE IS UP! It's like a sign of the start of the end of the year. Ah, I lurve the year-end holidays. I just lurve the whole Christmas-y feeling. But sadly, I won't be here for it this year. But I am sure that it'll be fun in Cambodia, I have a feeling we'll be doing a gift exchange! Even if we're not, WE SHOULD!
This is what I got for the small girl's birthday and a pair of sunglasses. SO PRETTY AND NICE RIGHT! Haha! I am real happy that she loves the shoes, because I love them. She is too girly man. She got like close to TEN anorexic, air-head blondies for her birthday. I knew I had to get her something else. And this was so perfect. I think I'll be the cool aunt she'll come to for all the advice to be a bad-ass Punjabi girl! Haha! She'll run away to my house and I'll be giving all the pep talk. So the cool aunt (:
Know what, screw all the plans I had. I'll be there, I'll be brave, I'll guard myself and most importantly, I'll not cry. I don't want to think about it (not that I can stop myself, but the goal is not to). So I am going to think bad, horrifying thoughts about my exams and be happy.
And Big Bang Theory is blardy funny! It's just so much better than the usual family sitcom. Sheldon, Howard, LeoNERD, Raj and Penny are the best mix of characters. They say the darnedest things, especially Sheldon!
Penny: I give up. He's impossible!Sheldon: I can't be impossible; I exist! I think what you meant to say is, 'I give up; he's improbable'. Sheldon: You know, I'm given to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada devoted specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.
Sheldon: What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits?' Does he provide her with health insurance?Sheldon: You bought me a present? Why would you do such a thing? I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. Ah, it's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year. Oh, I brought this on myself by being such an endearing and important part of your life...Sheldon: Engineering. Where the noble semiskilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Oompa-Loompas of science.*Wolowitz checks his Caller ID*.Wolowitz: Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. (answers) Hey, baby...Penny: His right hand is calling him?Penny: (Barges into apartment) Hey, guys! My friends and I got tired of dancing so we came over to have sex with you.(The guys continue to play Halo).Penny: Told ya.(Penny and her friends leave).Sheldon: Why did you hit pause?Leonard: I thought I heard something. Rajesh: What?Leonard: No, never mind.*Howard is teaching Sheldon Chinese*. Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin. Sheldon: Why? Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me. Raj: I don't want to go back to India! It's hot, and it's loud, and there are so many people! You have no idea -- they're everywhere.SEE, I told ya it was funny! (: Labels: her first Converse sneakers
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Today is such a beautiful, sunshine-y day. And I am stuck at home trying desperately to do some work before the gorefest next week. How I wish I can lie on a mat at the Botanic Gardens on the grassy slope and daydream or read a book. And when I get enough of lying down, I'd go around and take pretty Polaroids of the flowers and trees and pavilions. Ah, I just love sunshine. It just makes everything seem so much brighter, optimistic and endlessly possible. Sigh.......
Labels: say something
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Today we had the small girl's birthday party, and she turned 5! Gosh, it feels like it was only yesterday that I was still having my O Levels and I couldn't see her when she was born. She looked so incredibly tiny and not what I had expected when I finally did! Haha! Trust me, babies aren't cute when they are newborns. Takes a while for the cuteness to come out. But I was still really excited about my first niece. I remember I was a little afraid to hold her because babies are so squishable. And I didn't want to drop her on her head or something. But I held her (she was so light!) and it sort of cracked this thing I had about not wanting to have kids. And I was with her parents when they brought her back home. She was only two days old then. Now she's 5. How time flies huh? I sort of get what parents mean about their kids being kids for only two seconds. Melisha was like a baby for a nanosecond and now she's almost in primary school.
My hormones have doing some of my thinking for me these couple of days. Somehow, PMS-ing is kinda like the time when I become bipolar. Sometimes I'll be fine, then I can get excitable, after a while I feel like punching someone and the ride ends with all the weepyness. I, for one, am not entirely resistant to the influence of my body chemicals. I am susceptible to the havoc they can wreck.
Now that this realisation is over, I have been thinking about Flashforward. What if I see my future! Or what if I don't see anything? For the most part, I think I'd rather not know about what's to come. Ignorance is bliss. But I was thinking about the doctor who saw a woman who was his the one. Now, that is something I wouldn't mind knowing! Because sometimes, I think about this person who will be my life partner. (I know everyone thinks about this too!) And I wonder if I have met him yet or if he is someone I see all the time but haven't spoken to, or if he is an acquaintance that I haven't really got to know. If I haven't met him yet and I am sort of thinking about him, is he doing the same thing about me? I think about how we'll meet. I wonder what I'll think of him the first time I see him. Oh-so many questions! But is he also wondering the same things about this person, who he'll meet sometime in the vague future and know for sure is the one he'd want to be with? Because these are the things I think about him. I wonder what he is doing or thinking about, right this minute. Haha! Ah, such foolish thoughts Sharan!
I think it'll happen when it's meant to happen. (:
Labels: the future him
Friday, November 20, 2009
now, this is what I am talking about (:
Labels: say it like I feel it
I think I should just go with the dress. Haha! Ohthedramaemomama. What am I doing huh? Planning for something wayyyy ahead of its time, which is so unlike me. But that's because I am armed with an awesome plan. Talking to Kesavan earlier made my day. And it was such a random call from him. Haha! I immediately started blabbering to him and I didn't even slow down to ask what he needed. This morning and last night were sort of fear-induced-self-preservation. Maybe it was an impulsive decision. But the tenacity was a little assuring. I am still going to be afraid, but I have a plan. (:
Labels: let's meet again for the first time
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I will be brave. I will be myself. I will be everything you remembered and likedloved. I will wear my new lightdark blue floral dresstop as a shield (I had to scrape the idea of the dress). I will wear my sneakers with that dresstop and carry my beloved red&white skull shoulder bag as a crutch for my nervousness (I am re-thinking the bag too). I hope the drinks won't lower my barriers. (Even though I think this is a hope in vain because they are already down, I'll keep on hoping nonetheless.) I want/don't want you to wear that shirt, but I have a feeling that you will or least consider wearing it because you know how much I like you in it. I know you will tell me something about the night after we've gone our separate ways to return home. And I will feel the same way. But we won't say what's truly on our minds. That's why I am scared, baby.
It started with the long walks, the reservoir and drinking. It ended with a long, sobering walk to the reservoir. It starts again with the drinks. And I don't want to think of how it will end.
[EDIT]
I sound rather sure and confident about what will happen. But what if I am wrong? And I have been wrong before. (Yeah, we sure know this, don't we?) I have changed. Things change all the time. Every once a while, when you suddenly see things properly, like your eyes are slightly more open and there is this disquiet realisation that imperceptibly, things are not like they used to be. Will I feel this way? I wish I can separate all of these melded feelings into nice and pretty strongboxes so I know what they are exactly. And if I don't want what's in a particular box, I can put a lid on it, use metal chains to go all around it and then lock and throw it into the deep-end of the sea.
The only solution I can think of: I'll just wear my blue dress and white sneakers, carry my bag and cut my heart out from my sleeve.
Labels: a flower child
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
What the fuck should I care, period. I blardy don't want to. But that part of my brain is refusing to help. Seriously, why do I? I hate this feeling. I am so restless and it's causing me anxiety. I feel like a girlzilla. I want to roar at people and tear and smash the buildings down. I want to cause fear and mayhem so that I can get someone to help put me down. I shouldn't care. I don't care.
Sometimes I don't know if these feelings should be attributed to a monthly thing, because on some days when I wake up, I wake up perfectly happy and normal. But on some other days, I feel like hiding under my blanket and it's like I have nothing in me to get up and face the world. I am frozen and uneasy. Despite my mind telling me to move, my body stays still. Blahness.
The song helped a little.
Labels: where I fall is where I land
