Sunday, May 24, 2015
It was easier than I expected to fit the role of a working adult. Don't get me wrong; I definitely needed adjustments. I guess it was because the expectations are not dissimilar than that of in university.
I do have the sense that I am still immature in my understanding of the world and, consequently, it shows in my behaviour despite being 27 years old (yikes). They are little things. Seeing as how I have been told I am unrealistically and unnecessarily harder on myself, these little things are magnified.
(This is a general post of nothing of consequence.)
Blow a kiss, fire a gun. All we need is somebody to lean on.
All in all, it seems like my peers and I have reached a level of stability in our lives. There is less of the mad scramble (and worry) to earn or have money. Everyone appears to be comfortable. In their work, relationships, family and themselves. I suspect that this is a period of relief before we hit another point in our lives and become overcome by a mid-life crisis.
All so fun.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Everyone is all "I love my mother", "My mother is a Super Woman" and here I am, completely dismissing this day entirely. I can't even bring myself to call my mother. Whatever I'd say would sound hollow and wooden. Because I am not feeling this mother-daughter relationship at all.
Today was the second time we have had a serious disagreement. This was entirely my fault. I have been stubborn and snippy and short-tempered. Not a proud moment for me. A self-reflection has been a long time coming. By neglecting this regular check into my behaviour (and psyche), I have become comfortable to the point of being self-centered in this relationship. Feelings of guilt and utter disappoint are going to be keeping me awake tonight. The look on his face when we were talking about it broke my heart.
When he feels hurt, especially by me, it is more than I can stand to bear. He has been the source of a great many positives in my life. I'd hate to be the negative in his life.
So tonight, I dislike myself.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Saturday, August 16, 2014
New job, new people, new ideas, new perspective....Just what I needed. When you stay in a place for too long, you start to conform to the people and their ideas in that place. That was what happened. And I am glad I got out before I started to conform, because it had led to better and better things.
2 years on, things have become tarnished, we have gotten comfortable. Which are all things to be expected. It is not necessarily good or bad. I feel greatly and deeply for him. That, above all, is the most important.
Labels: No label
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Life. I have realised that uncertainty dogs you all your life. Maybe it feels that way because I am not the sort to appreciate anticipation. It is definitely all mixed-round with the cup-half-empty thing.
So, Arjun. This boy has been around for some good long months. 18 of them. Is this what sureness feels like? That time itself is irrelevant, that its weight does not affect your happiness?
I feel moved by thoughts of him. When I think of how he has never made me cry, I cry.
It is a sureness that at this point of my life, he is the right thing.
Labels: Soul at ease
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
A slow burn is better than a fast fuse. It lasts longer. It increases in intensity. And soon, even the merest of touches will set you off. That's the beauty of it. Taking time, not rushing headlong into it.
Life cannot be more different than it was before. Strangely, not much has changed except for what's in the head. Work is work is work. There is honestly nothing much to be said about it, because it is not my grand passion. I will get there. The quest for it will come to fruition.
I feel more settled about most things these days. But me being me, I will wonder about if the merits of it is any merit at all.
Labels: Bittersweet melodies
Monday, June 24, 2013
Feelings. A number of them.
All because he said, "So do I".
I know this will not change our undefined relationship, but that does not matter to me.
The feelings are found on the same page.
Labels: My happy person
'Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind'